Why is it so difficult to give constructive feedback to other people? Why do work and personal relationships drag on, despite being far from ideal? Marcia Ruben suggests this could be because we are hardwired to avoid pain. But I would add providing effective feedback is a technique we need to learn.

Emotional Intelligence and Personal Style Both Play a Role

The recipient should be open to your feedback and be willing to learn. If they are not, their pain-avoidance system kicks in, and they lower shields. Managers need to be emotionally aware of this and have their channels open. If their timing is inappropriate, their feedback may be lost in static.

But the employee’s processing style also has a bearing. Those high on intuition may reject feedback if it does not suit their worldview. In contrast, those with logic and analytic skills may approach the encounter openly and be prepared to discuss.

We should ask if we could have done better when a feedback session fails. Most of us ‘came up the line’ where technical skills, not HR counted. If we were fortunate, we were mentored. Others tripped into the deep end. A performance feedback meeting was a learning experience for them.

We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.

Bill Gates

Performance Management is Not Something We Should Delay

Ignoring unacceptable performance creates the impression we accept it and thereby condone it. The situation can reach a point where we must take formal action. This article helps you have tough conversations constructively. And move forward into a positive future.

We Can’t Ignore Inferior Performance: We Must Act Now!

We all benefit from constructive feedback timeously given. The employee learns and grows. The manager is under less pressure. However, we must provide effective feedback before the behaviour locks down.

1. Challenge the behaviour right away. The employee may not realise their style affects productivity and team performance. Help them get back on track soon.
2. Be open and honest always. Your credibility will suffer if you half-heartedly beat around the bush. Stick to the point with practical examples. Have a genuine conversation in which you are open to feedback too.
3. Maintain a supportive environment. Proactively help the employee meet their goals by creating a helpful environment, with training as circumstances may require.
4. Commit to regular feedback meetings at agreed dates to review progress and reaffirm / re-define goals. However, you should always be available for ad hoc discussions.
5. Nurture your employee’s strengths, as opposed to breaking them down with criticism. Discover the roles in which they perform best. Collaboratively nudge them in that direction.

I think it's very important to have a feedback loop, where you're constantly thinking about what you've done and how you could be doing it better.

Elon Musk

Nurture a Productive Culture with Consistent Performance Measures

It’s a perfectly normal thing to allow our friends more significant margins of error than strangers. We are, after all, social creatures, living in communities that allow us to survive and prosper. This natural inclination extends to work situations. This is another reason not to get too close to colleagues and workers.

Maintaining a safe distance is vital when appraising individual performance if we are to steer clear of disputes. Several techniques help us ensure objectively true performance evaluations.

Gather Feedback from Third Parties

Temper your preconceptions with opinions from other people the employee works with. These could be customers, suppliers or co-workers. Do this informally as you gather a body of background information. You may be surprised by what you find.

Use a Consistent Rating Scale

Performance evaluation is a subjective process where two opposite opinions often clash. A simple four-point scale helps maintain objectivity.

1. The employee consistently exceeded expectations in ways that demonstrably contributed to company success.
2. The employee outperformed agreed targets by being innovative as opposed to working longer hours.
3. The employee met their agreed targets. They were a valuable team member and contributed to morale and success.
4. The employee failed to meet their targets. They did not apply themselves sufficiently diligently. They could have done better.

A four-point scale (your definitions may differ) ranks an employee objectively. However, a countersigned record should summarize the performance discussion.

Have a Second Level Review

Have the courage of your convictions if an employee challenges their review and is unwilling to countersign it. Discuss your rating with a peer manager or human resource consultant. At the very least, you will gain an objective overview of the process.

Employees who believe that management is concerned about them as a whole person - not just an employee - are more productive, more satisfied, more fulfilled. Satisfied employees mean satisfied customers, which leads to profitability.

Anne M. Mulcahy

Performance Management Is a Responsibility, Not Another Management Task

If you cast your mind back, you may remember two types of managers. These were firstly the task-oriented ones who wanted the job done their way, and secondly, the ones who cared about you as a person and wanted to help you grow.

People in the second group are more likely to leave a positive mark on their organization. These are tips I gleaned over several decades.

1. Define best practices through regular discussions with work teams. Use these to agree goals you are entitled to expect as normal performance. This is an important step towards promoting a more harmonious, high performing workplace.
2. Understand the drivers of underperformance.  A discussion with a human resource professional will help you understand why the employee is falling behind. Possibilities include:
   • You have not properly defined your expectations.
   • The employee is short of job knowledge and skills.
   • There is no objective measure to gauge performance.
   • Perhaps you have not successfully motivated them.
   • They may have personal or substance abuse issues.
   • Workplace / team morale may be dragging them down.
   • They may be victims of some form of cultural prejudice.

Underperformance Is Not a Disciplinary Issue

I have known few people in my career who willingly underperform of free choice. A vertical organization hierarchy may ensure the manager is the last person to understand the reasons for underperformance.

A rash, improperly thought-through decision can do more than wreck a promising employee’s career. It can seriously harm their team’s morale and respect for the manager. Good performance management should produce winners all around. Underperformance is not a disciplinary issue. It is a human relations puzzle, and the manager holds some of the pieces.

Leadership contains certain elements of good management, but it requires that you inspire, that you build durable trust. For an organization to be not just good but to win, leadership means evoking participation larger than the job description, commitment deeper than any job contract's wording.

Stanley A. McChrystal